“So!” She says, taking her spot in the huge armchair across from me.  “What brings you in today?”

Um, Where do I begin? I wonder, clinging to a pillow I placed on my lap and trying not to be weird. 

The inaudible voices that wake me up at night? 

The swirling lights I can see that no one else can? 

The line of people at my bedside in the middle of the night? 

Are these things safe to say here? I decide to take the risk since I’m not sleeping and I’m basically a shell of a person. What’s the worst that could happen?

I open my mouth and tell her everything. Everything I’ve never shared before. 

She’s nodding as if she hears this every day. “You, my dear, are a Psychic Medium” she tells me matter-of-factly, the way someone might say you my dear, have brown hair. 

As if waking up to the deceased in your bedroom was as normal as waking up to your alarm.

The woman I’m talking to is a renowned Spiritual Teacher and she shares with me some techniques for protecting my energy as an empath as well as how to have boundaries with Spirit. She explains that I am in control and Spirit will respect my boundaries. 

You’re telling me all I had to do this whole time was ask them to go away?

Why didn’t I think of that… 

Probably because I am a people pleaser and a dead-people pleaser.

No boundaries here! It seems so obvious. I chose the hide-under-the-covers option hoping they would get the hint.

Much the way I chose the route of hoping others could read my mind and know what I wanted without me having to ask. 

They couldn’t.

And I often felt angry at others for not respecting my needs that I didn’t know how to share.

As deep feelers, we can have the tendency to want to please others, but not always from a place of wanting to help, very often it’s from a place of insecurity. We can also struggle with boundary setting, and voicing our needs, quickly leading to a sense of overwhelm, burnout, and even anger.

Ah, Anger.

Very often our anger is a messenger, there to tell us that our boundaries have been violated or we feel disrespected.

It’s an alert.

As sensitive souls we can become so attuned to other peoples emotions, trying to be the peace keepers, performing to make sure everyone else is comfortable, that we end up completely overlooking our own needs, exhausting ourselves.

It can feel like we are taking care of everyone, and sometimes we might be, but sometimes we are actually just assuming others needs or trying to fix, and we’re certainly not taking care of ourselves by doing this.

The more we feel like we’re giving and giving, but no one seems to be giving or caring for us in the same way, resentment can begin to build.

Boundaries

Boundaries can be a real challenge for us empaths. One reason is because it can feel hard to differentiate between our own emotions and the emotions of those around us. Maybe this was never modeled for us, or we grew up in environments where hypervigilence kept us safe, so we learned to prioritize others feelings and needs above our own.

Possibly even losing touch with our own needs along the way.

Just like when I figured out that all I had to do was have boundaries with Spirit and we could have a not so one-sided, and exhausting relationship, once I understood my sensitivity to those around me and my environment, and the pattern of people pleasing, I was better able to honor my sensitive nature and myself.

Boundaries were key.

Yes, energy boundaries, like shielding and grounding are immensely helpful for us, but actual verbal communication boundaries and speaking up for what we want and need are equally as important.

How can we better care for ourselves as empaths?

Setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care are a necessity for us sensitives.

We are only responsible for our own emotions.

Part of our self-care can be spending time with ourselves, fostering a deeper relationship and understanding of what we like and want and need.

And once we have that information, we can practice voicing those feelings, wants, and needs to others, without watering them down to appease everyone around us; learning to trust that others in loving relationships with us want to know what we need.

If you are a sensitive soul and this resonated, let’s stay connected! Sign-up for the Sensitive Souls Newsletter, sent once monthly, never spammy, and tailored for your sensitive heart.

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